


Travelling Soldier

by Vicsmi



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Alec is older than Magnus, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Military, Dear john, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Soldier!Alec, Soldier!Jace, Travelin' Soldier, War, student!magnus, under editing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:35:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 13,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25322500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vicsmi/pseuds/Vicsmi
Summary: UNDER EDITING!!-Right before he is about to ship out, Alec Lightwood meets Magnus Bane at the local diner.They spend the little time they have together before Alec leaves, but will it be enough for a 16 year old high school student and a newly turned 18 year old soldier to hold onto as their lives move forward in drastically different directions?orThe Dixie Chicks "Travelin' Soldier" / Dear John inspired AU with Malec that literally nobody asked for.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	1. The Time We Met

**Author's Note:**

> Rated Mature for language. 
> 
> Also, I wrote this in a day or so, so it hasn't been thoroughly edited.  
> I apologize in advance. 
> 
> I also feel inclined to warn any history buffs out there that the facts stated in this fic are not accurate.

“Are you nervous?” 

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine. I’m a little nervous.” 

“Then why are you doing this? And don’t give me that ‘fighting for my country is an honor’ bullshit. I know there’s another reason.” 

He thought about it for a while. It  _ was _ an honor to fight for your country, but his sister was right. There was more. A conversation that he had had with his mother just a couple of weeks ago, when he was still 17 and life was simple. 

_ Don’t you want to protect your country? Protect your family? You sister? Max? They’re all depending on you to take responsibility now when your father is gone. It would make me so proud, Alec. They would be proud, your father in heaven would be proud. This is what he wanted when he was alive. His dying wish was for you to follow in his footsteps. Make us proud. _

His mother’s words swirled in his head, but he couldn’t share these with his sister. She would lash out on their only remaining parent, and that turbulence was the last thing the family needed now, after everything fell apart. 

Their father had died last year in battle. It had been a tough time, and his little sister Izzy had taken it the hardest. She had had a connection to their father that he would never understand. Sort of like he had with their mother, emphasis on the  _ had _ part. That connection went away with the death of their father. After his passing she had come down hard on Alec to carry on his father’s wishes of him joining the army, of him following in his footsteps. So after every bit of manipulation his mother had in her, he had finally agreed. 

It wasn’t like many thought, that you were forced to join the army as soon as you were legal. You did have a choice. But Alec didn’t.

So there he stood in front of the mirror, in his army greens, two days after his 18th birthday, preparing to ship out that very day. His sister smoothes out an invisible crease in his uniform and looked into his eyes through the reflection. He could see that she was at the brink of tears, so he turned around and hugged her tight. 

“Please don’t cry. I’ll be fine. I’ll be back before you know it.” He tried to comfort her. 

“That’s what dad always used to say before he left…” She sniffled into his uniform. 

He suddenly wondered how many of the other guys would have the same tear stains on their uniforms when they entered the bus that would take them away from their loved ones. A lot of them probably. He knew how emotionally loaded the topic of the war was at the moment. Not many people came home once they were sent away… He thought about the annual football games, how they’d sing the anthem, pray, and then held a silent minute as the principal read a list of local Vietnam deaths. The reading of that list had become like a ritual, because there was always a list. 

He shivered at the thought, and the previous nervousness just increased tenfold. What if this was the last time he would see his baby sister? What if he  _ didn’t _ come back? There were still so many things he wouldn’t ever get to do. Like see Izzy graduate, or watch Max’s soccer games, or come out to his family, have his first kiss, fall in love. Was he never going to have these things? Was he doomed from the start? 

“You have to promise me that you’ll come back.” His sister sniffled against his chest and he gently stroked her hair and kissed her on her head. 

“I promise.” He lied. He knew it, she knew it, but there was still some sort of false comfort in that promise. She pulled away.

“Here.” She said, handing Alec a chain with a ring on it. 

He inspected it and saw that it was her favourite. A small silver ring in the shape of a serpent that their father had brought home to her on his last visit home. She had worn it every day since then, refusing to take it off. 

  
“Izzy, I can’t-”

“Please. So you won’t forget what you’re fighting for. So that you remember your promise.” She interrupted him, and Alec could do nothing but nod in understanding, attaching the chain around his neck, tucking it away behind his shirt. 

“Now go, before I cry again. But no goodbyes, just ‘I see you later’.” She said and lightly pushed him out of his bedroom. 

Alec gave her one last hug before he made his way out of the house. “I’ll see you later, Izzy.” 

》》★《《

When he got to the pick-up point he was told that the bus wouldn’t arrive for another 2 hours, so he decided to eat some lunch at the local diner in the meantime. Blue Ridge, Texas was a small town, so it didn’t take him more than 5 minutes to walk into the diner and sit down. He looked over the menu, more out of habit than anything else. He already knew the menu inside and out. When the waiter walked up to him he was just about to order when he saw who it was. Magnus Bane. The boy in Izzy’s class who was always bullied because of his asian heritage and eccentric style. 

Alec had never had an actual encounter with the boy or seen this himself, but Izzy had told him all about it, and how she had verbally kicked the bullies’ asses but when she had turned around to check on Magnus he had been gone. After that Alec had tried to keep an eye out, in case it happened again, but it was not often he would see Magnus at school. Especially since he was two grades under him, and sophomores and seniors didn’t really mix. 

He had always appreciated the other boy’s style though. He would lie if he said that he hadn’t checked him out those rare times when he had seen him, especially when he was wearing those tight jeans of his as the boy was keen on doing every time. Then it hit him that another thing he never had the guts to do, and that he wouldn’t ever have the chance to do, was ask him out. He cursed himself for having been such a coward, but then he thought about the fact that he hadn’t  _ known _ that he was going to get shipped out to war as soon as he turned 18. Still, he didn’t want to lose his chance again.

“What can I get you?” Magnus asked in a bored tone.

“How about a date?” Alec asked bluntly.

“I, uhm, what… Excuse me?” The waiter sputtered out eventually.

Alec blushed shyly. He suddenly panicked. What if he had read the signs wrong? What if Magnus wasn’t even into guys? What if he wasn’t into  _ him? _

“An, uhm, well a date? Right now?” He asked, remembering that he actually had somewhere to be. His plan was falling apart, and quickly so.

Magnus stood and stared at him for a while. “Sure. I’m off in 10, meet me outside?” He asked a little unsurely. 

Alec let out a sigh of relief. He smiled widely at Magnus and stood up. “I’ll see you in 10.”

》》★《《

“So where do you want to go?” Magnus asked as he stepped out of the diner. 

“I’m not sure. I didn’t really plan on this. It was like a spur of the moment.” Alec confessed. 

“I could tell. You know you’re wearing your army clothes, right?” Magnus asked amused. 

“Right… So you know I’m shipping out and you still agreed to go out with me?” Alec asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“Well, I am certainly not one to kick a gift horse in the mouth. If the hottest guy at school asks you out, you’d be crazy to say no, even if he’s doing it just because he thinks he might die.” Magnus said and immediately snapped his mouth shut at his own words. 

Alec didn’t take offense however. It was partly true, and he decided to focus on the part where Magnus had called him ‘the hottest guy in school’. He smiled to himself. 

“It’s okay Magnus. That’s not just why I asked you out, but you’re not completely wrong. I might die, which have given me this new way to look at life, if that makes sense. There are so many things I won’t ever get to do if I don’t come back, and one of those was asking you out, which I have wanted to before by the way. So carpe diem, I guess.” Alec said thoughtfully, Magnus listening intently to every word. 

“Carpe diem? Really?” He asked with a smile. 

“Don’t judge me. I love myself some corny sayings.” Alec defended light heartedly. 

“In that case, I will share with you my life motto; Just wing it. Life, eyeliner, everything.” 

“I like that. Although I don’t wear eyeliner, but the rest of it goes.” Alec laughed out. 

They kept walking for a few minutes, soon finding themselves at the water tower. Alec climbed up the ladder, leaving Magnus to stare up at him, gaping. 

“Alexander, I am not climbing up that ladder. It looks like it’s ready to fall apart any minute.” Magnus called out after him. 

Alec stopped at the middle of the ladder. “You know  _ no one _ calls me that, right? And of course you are, how else are we going to see the fantastic view of Blue Ridge?” He called back down. 

Magnus shook his head in disbelief and carefully started to climb. 

When they were both perched on the ledge of the water tower Magnus made the mistake of looking down. He flinched and curled up closer to the tank behind him. 

“Hey, I’ve got you. You don’t have to be scared.” Alec said, wrapping his arms around the younger boy who relaxed a little in the soldier’s strong grip. 

After a minute of so of comfortable silence Magnus spoke. 

“Are you scared?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Alec answered honestly. “But not because of what you think. I’m not scared of going away, I’m not scared of being sent out to war with a bunch of strangers, hell, I’m not even that scared of dying. Nervous, yes, but not scared. What  _ does _ scare me is being lonely. I asked my father once, how he dealt with it, being away for such long periods of time. He told me that he thought about us, his family. But what really got him through was these letters mother would send him when he was away, love letters. He said that he never felt alone, because he had her letters. I’m scared, because even though I have my siblings, I’ll never have  _ that _ . I know it sounds silly, but I just wish I had met someone who would write me letters, you know?” 

Magnus thought quietly for a while. “I could write you, if you’d like.” 

“You would do that?” Alec asked in surprise. 

“They may not be love letters, but sure I’ll write you. It’s the least I could do since you asked me out on this impromptu, last minute date.” Magnus said, shoving Alec teasingly. 

Alec laughed, and oh how beautiful it was. It was a full, heartfelt, head-thrown-back kind of laugh. When he gathered himself Alec spoke. 

“Can I ask you for something else? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just…” He trailed off.

“What?” Magnus asked with a fond smile. 

  
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to me out there, I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. But I know I’ll regret it if I don’t ask.” He said in a low voice, looking Magnus directly in the eyes. 

“Ask me what?” Magnus almost whispered, getting lost in those hazel eyes. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“I’ve never…” Magnus trailed off, trying to get his point across. 

“That’s okay. I’ve never either.” Alec breathed out. 

It was hard to tell which one of them initiated it. It didn’t matter. Their lips brushed slightly against each other, carefully yet passionately. They kissed like that until breathing became necessary, and they pulled apart. 

“Thank you.” Alec whispered against Magnus’ lips before he leaned in again.

The next kiss started the same, but soon melted into something more, their mouths opening slightly to let the other in completely. Alec felt warmth enveloping him as they kissed, a feeling of safety and a promise of home as their tongues slid against each other. Alec had put his hand on Magnus’ cheek, and Magnus in turn had gripped his uniform tight, as if he thought that holding onto him would somehow stop him from leaving in just a few minutes. When those minutes were up, Alec could feel tears staining his cheek. He didn’t know if they were his or Magnus’ but it didn’t matter. He put his hand on Magnus’, peeling it off his shirt. 

“I’m so sorry, I have to go.” He said before he got up and started his descent down the ladder, leaving a heartbroken Magnus on the ledge of the water tower.


	2. Dear Magnus

_ Dear Magnus _

_ I just got to the camp in California to start my training. It has been a rough couple of weeks, meeting so many new people and learning so many new things.  _

_ I think the only thing I can compare it to is starting high school all over again. Us newcomers are at the bottom of the totem pole, and we’re always getting yelled at, just like when we were freshmen. _

_ It’s okay though, because whenever they force me to do a hundred pushups, or clean the toilet with a toothbrush (and I really wish I was joking), I go to my happy place.  _

_ It’s on that ledge on the water tower, sitting with you. _

_ I hope you are well, and that junior year is treating you right.  _

_ You have started school, right?  _

_ Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer.  _

_ I am only allowed to send one letter each week, so I will write you every other week and my family on the other ones. _

_ I look forward to hearing from you, if you decide to write me back. _

_ Suddenly, I realize that you might not have meant it, that you might have been joking. _

_ But I really hope you weren’t. _

_ Sincerely, Alec. _

_ P.S. I’ve got another corny saying for you; “When I close my eyes, I see you. When I open my eyes, I miss you.” _

》》★《《

Magnus read the letter at least 4 times before he put it away in his desk drawer and headed out to make his shift at the diner. When he got there he quickly pulled off his sweater, revealing the hideous yellow uniform underneath. He got to work immediately, taking orders and bringing people their greasy food. About half way through his shift he was tapped on the shoulder. He spun around and to his surprise he saw Isabelle Lightwood staring up at him. 

“Can I help you?” He asked politely.

“Yes! When does your shift end?” She asked, looking way too serious for someone their age. 

“4 hours. Why?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow at her while he kept busting tables. 

“We need to talk.” She simply said before she turned on her heel and walked out of the diner. 

Magnus gulped, but soon had to continue his work around the tables. When his shift ended he found Isabelle waiting for him outside. 

“So to what do I owe the pleasure of you hunting me down at work?” Magnus asked her curiously. 

At first he had thought that something had happened to Alexander, but then he remembered that he had just begun training, and the risks weren’t all that great, he hoped. Then the thought also occurred to him that there was no way Isabelle would know about him and her brother. 

“I know about you and my brother.” She said. 

Magnus looked at her dumbfounded. 

  
“How…?” He asked, not being able to form more than one word. 

“He told me in his letter he sent last week. He told me about your ‘impromptu date’ and about the kiss and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him. But Magnus, are you absolutely insane?” She asked suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Insane? Why would you think that?” He asked defensively. 

  
“Magnus, he’s going out to  _ war _ . You’ve been on one date, are you sure you’re ready to make that kind of commitment? You’re 16.” She said.

“Who says there has to be some kind of commitment involved? I promised I’d write him, that’s all.” He told her in disbelief. 

“Well, does he know that? I just don’t want my brother getting hurt, especially not when he’s out there doing what he’s doing.” She said with sincere worry taking over her words. 

Magnus melted at the sight of her. “He does know that, you don’t have to worry Isabelle. I won’t hurt your brother, I promise.” He said with a kind smile, putting his hand on her shoulder. 

“Well, good. In that case, I have no beef with you. And since you’re a friend of Alec’s now means that your a friend of mine as well. So I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” She asked in a much happier tone. 

Right. The first day of school. Up until now he had dreaded it, but a clear invitation from Isabelle Lightwood to be his friend? That definitely brightened up the prospect of his junior year.


	3. Dear Alexander

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I have indeed started my junior year by now, the day after I got your letter in fact.  _

_ So far the first week has been nice, I can’t thank you enough for telling your sister about us, seeing as we are now good friends.  _

_ I’m sorry to hear about what they make you do over there, especially the thing with the toothbrush, eww.  _

_ Not much has happened since you left.  _

_ When I’m not in school I’m at the diner where we met, pulling shifts, saving up for college.  _

_ And of course I meant it when I said I would write you. _

_ That’s what friends are for, right?  _

_ I just hope you’re being safe over there, and I hope your training is going well.  _

_ I can’t imagine having to learn all of those things you are learning right now.  _

_ Your sister says hello, by the way.  _

_ I really liked your corny saying, and I miss you too, so I’ve got one for you as well.  _

_ “I miss you like an idiot misses the point.”  _

_ Your friend, Magnus _

》》★《《

Alec sat with the letter from Magnus in his hand. He glanced over the double use of the word ‘friend’ and couldn’t help but to be a little disappointed to be shot down. Then again, Magnus had told him there would be no love letters, and they had only shared one kiss. An amazing, passionate first kiss, but still. He reread the letter and giggled at some parts, causing his bunkmates to look at him oddly. 

“What?” He asked when he caught them looking. 

“Nothing.” Two of them said and quickly looked away. 

His bunkmate Jace, however, did not. 

“You were giggling like a schoolgirl. What’s up with that?” He asked and smiled his signature cocky grin. 

“I got a letter from a friend.” Alec replied, scowling slightly at being made fun of. 

“Must be some friend to have you smile like that. Sure it’s not you  _ girlfriend _ ?” Jace teased. 

Alec rolled his eyes. He still hadn’t told his fellow soldiers about him being gay, and he wasn’t really planning to, either. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I don’t have a girlfriend.” He grumbled instead, putting the letter under his pillow. 

“A handsome fella like you? I don’t believe it for a second!” Jace said and winked, causing the others to laugh at his antics. 

Alec threw a pillow at his head which he dodged smoothly. “Get some sleep, Herondale.” He grumbled and jumbled up his blanket to a makeshift pillow, carefully opening the letter to read it once again before he had to sleep.


	4. Parties

_ Dear Magnus _

_ I’m glad that my sister reached out to you, and I realize I should have warned you that I told her about our date and our kiss.  _

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ I’m glad that school and work has been good, but please promise me something.  _

_ Promise me that you won’t let work cause your grades to slip.  _

_ School is important too, especially if you want to go to college. _

_ We just finished what they call ‘hell week’ over here.  _

_ That means that we are finally moving onto the next stage of our training.  _

_ I’m excited, but nervous. _

_ Although, after surviving hell week, how bad could it be? _

_ Because this week was really, really bad. _

_ So what are you doing now? Have you joined any clubs at school? Any fun parties? _

_ The reason I’m asking is because I have to live vicariously through you. _

_ So please tell me something fun that’s happened! _

_ By the way, you’re saying was really funny, so I’m raising you with a funny quote. _

_ “Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.” _

_ Sincerely, Alec. _

》》★《《

Magnus was reading the letter for the first time in the cafeteria. He had just snatched it on his way out and stuffed it down his bag in the morning rush. Now was the first chance he’d gotten to actually sit down and read it. Although, taking a large sip of milk right before reading his quote may not have been the best idea. Isabelle had to agree when she got milk in her hair as Magnus spit it out in a fit of laughter. 

“Magnus what the hell?!” She shrieked. 

“I’m so sorry Isabelle! Your brother is quite funny, here.” He said apologetically, offering the letter to her as a peace offering. 

She read the letter and snorted. “Alright, I admit, it was pretty funny. You’re forgiven.” She said with a smile, handing the letter back to him. “So, he wants to know something funny? Tell him about the  _ huge _ party you went to!” 

“What party?” He asked in confusion.

“The party we’re going to tonight!” She said, vibrating with excitement. 

“The party we’re… Oh my God, you scored us an invite?!” Magnus asked in equal excitement. 

“Of course I did, I’m the best.” Isabelle said with a wink. 

“I knew there was a reason you were my friend!” Magnus teased, causing Isabelle to jokingly gasp in offense.

》》★《《

Later that night they arrived at the party thrown by the most popular senior at their school; Jonathan Morgenstern. Unfortunately for Magnus, the guy hated his guts. Fortunately for Magnus, the party was so big that the possibility of them even seeing each other was practically non existent. At the moment, he was just enjoying Isabelle’s company on the dance floor. They danced all night and drank way too much, just as you should do at an out of control high school kegger. 

Later when they were stumbling home, Magnus thought about what he would write to Alec. He felt bad for the man, going through that hard training while he was out partying. He couldn’t help but wonder if Alexander was thinking about him too. 

“What are you thinking about?” Isabelle asked him with a slight slur to her words. 

“Alexander.” He told her, and her face completely fell. 

“I think about him a lot too.” She said with a note of sadness in her voice. 

Magnus just nodded, not knowing what else to say. So he just steadied his grip on Isabelle and kept steering them in the general direction of home.


	5. He Isn't Like That

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I am so sorry to hear about hell week.  _

_ That must have sucked.  _

_ I promise that my work is not interfering with my schoolwork, and I even feel nice enough not to point out how much you sounded like my father just then. _

_ Oh wait, yes I pointed it out, teasing you is just way too much fun! _

_ I have not joined any clubs, nor do I want to.  _

_ Did you know that our school doesn’t even have a drama department? Or anything creative at all? _

_ I am therefore boycotting the extra curriculars until this town comes to its senses. _

_ Although, I did go to a party the other day.  _

_ A party your sister dragged me to! _

_ It was fun. We danced and got really drunk on cheap beer.  _

_ I feel like it was a real high school experience, you know?  _

_ I even thought of you as I was walking home, drunk of my ass, together with your sister. _

_ Is the next phase of training any better than the last?  _

_ I know you can do it, I believe in you. _

_ Following our patterns of sayings and quotes, I must begin with telling you that I laughed so hard at your last one, my milk ended up in Isabelle’s hair.  _

_ It was hilarious.  _

_ I picked one out that sums up my weekend. _

_ “A hangover is just your body telling you that you’re an idiot.” _

_ Yours truly, Magnus _

》》★《《

Alec snickered and quickly put the letter under his pillow before running out to the next exercise. 

“You’re in a good mood.” Jace remarked as Alec was doing pull ups next to him. 

“I got a letter from Magnus today.” Alec explained.

He and Jace had become closer as their training went on. He was actually nice, Alec discovered, behind all that cockiness and arrogance. They had discovered that they liked the same books and they were both from Texas, which had helped them form what he guessed you could call a friendship. Sometimes it was a little hard to tell with Jace, but he took it in stride. 

“Ah, that explains it.” Jace told him with a grin. “So, any funny quotes this time?” 

“‘A hangover is just your body telling you that you’re an idiot’.” Alec quoted.

Jace snorted. “That’s a good one. Any particular reason he chose that one?”

“He went to a party and got drunk, and with my sister no less.” Alec said as he pulled himself up with a groan. 

“God, I miss high school.” Jace remarked. 

“Don’t I know it.” Alec agreed. 

“Aren’t you ever worried about them?” Jace then asked, looking at Alec.

“About who?” Alec asked in confusion.

“Magnus and your sister. From what you tell me they’re pretty close.” Jace said casually, keeping at his pull ups. 

Alec snorted. “No way. Magnus isn’t like that.” 

Jace stopped his pull ups. “What do you mean?”

Alec stopped as well, suddenly feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice over him. He started to fiddle nervously with his sister’s ring around his neck. He contemplated on what to say, but ultimately decided to test the waters. “Magnus doesn’t like women.” He said. 

Now that he thought about it, he actually didn’t know the extent of Magnus’ sexuality, only that he liked men. He suddenly got a little worried about Izzy. But Magnus wouldn’t do that, he was a good guy. He looked at Jace and waited for a reaction. 

“Oh, then you’ve got nothing to worry about.” He said casually, starting on his pull ups again. 

Alec let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and continued with his training again. That went a lot better than he’d expected. 


	6. Shipping Out

_ Dear Magnus _

_ You can tease me all you want, I’m just being caring.  _

_ I never really thought about it, but now that you say it I guess Blue Ridge High doesn’t have any clubs like that. _

_ That kind of sucks.  _

_ I’m glad you had fun at the party though, even if you got too drunk and got a bad hangover. _

_ Thank you for writing me about it. _

_ It takes my mind off things here.  _

_ I just found out that they’re shipping us off to Vietnam next week, so this will be my last letter from the states.  _

_ I will tell Izzy in my next letter, but if you decide to tell her before then, I understand.  _

_ I’m actually getting really nervous.  _

_ I thought that our training would be longer, but I guess they need us out there as soon as possible. _

_ The war is getting worse, and I’m feeling the pressure more now than ever. _

_ I will leave you with this: “I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of the past. I’m nervous at the moment.”  _

_ Sincerely, Alec. _

》》★《《

Magnus froze when he read the letter. He knew this day was coming, yet he still felt the reality crash into him like a large truck. Alec was being sent off to another country to fight a war on behalf of his own. He knew the war was getting worse, but he had somehow clung to the false hope of the war getting better, or that they would change their minds and send Alec home for some reason. All of that hope not evaporated. He could feel unshed tears burning behind his eyes, but he refused to cry. He had known from the start that this was going to happen, so why did he feel so blindsided?

He put the letter in the drawer with the others and made his way to school. There he met up with Isabelle by his locker, her chatting amicably about everything and anything. When he only hummed in response she knit her eyebrows together in worry.

“Magnus, what’s wrong?” She asked.

“I got a letter from Alexander this morning.” He said, picking out his science book from his locker. 

“Oh? Did something happen?” She asked.

He could see her tense in worry. “He’s okay don’t worry.” He said and forced a smile. “But he’s shipping off to Vietnam in a week.” He finished. 

He could see the colour draining from her face. 

“Isabelle, I’m sorry. He’s telling you in his next letter.” Magnus said apologetically, but Isabelle just waved him off.

“It’s okay. And we knew this day was coming, right? I’m just being silly. He’ll be fine.” She said with a forced smile. 

“Of course he will.” Magnus quickly agreed. 

He linked his arm in hers and lead them towards their first class. He couldn’t stop thinking about Alexander.


	7. Pressure

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I’m glad to have brightened up your day with my party antics.  _

_ I wish I could do it again, but there has sadly been no more parties for me to tell you about.  _

_ What I can do, however, is tell you about Jonathan Morgenstern being publicly dumped by Camille Belcourt right in the middle of the cafeteria.  _

_ She even went so far as to dump her gelato on his head.  _

_ It was hilarious. _

_ I did tell Isabelle about you shipping out.  _

_ She’s worried, as am I.  _

_ But we both know you’ll be fine out there.  _

_ If anyone can make, it’s you Alexander.  _

_ I think about you more and more often. _

_ I don’t know why, but your letters are the brightest moments of my life at the moment.  _

_ Promise me you’ll be safe out there.  _

_ I miss you. _

_ To keep your spirits up I chose this: _

_ “A diamond is just a lump of coal who did well under pressure.” _

_ Love, Magnus _

》》★《《

Love, Magnus. That was definitely something new. Alec kept wondering what it meant. He knew they were friends, but were they getting closer to something more? This letter was more heartfelt than the others, and he almost thought he had scared Magnus with his last one. He knew it had been a bit gloomier than the previous ones, but that’s what he had felt at the moment. He decided to write Magnus back immediately.


	8. Winds of Change

_ Dear Magnus _

_ I remember Jonathan and Camille, but I had no idea they were even dating. _

_ Though I wish I could see her dumping gelato on his head, he was always such a pain. _

_ Your encouraging words are soothing for my soul, and I hope you know how much they mean to me.  _

_ Your letters are my brightest moments as well.  _

_ I have been spending more and more time in my happy place. _

_ Not because of hard drilling exercises, but because of what I’ve seen in the short time I’ve been here.  _

_ Magnus, it’s awful. _

_ But, what gets me through is remembering your smile, and the view of Blue Ridge. _

_ And though we are friends, I must admit that I’m also remembering our kiss.  _

_ It’s what brightens the days over here. _

_ I must sadly also tell you that I won’t be able to write you as often as before, seeing as we’re out in the middle of nowhere.  _

_ I can’t tell you where we are, but I can tell you that I’m safe, at least for now. _

_ I promise I will write you as often as I can, and that I will be as safe as possible.  _

_ This quote my squad mate Jace helped me with, I hope you like it. _

_ “When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hold on tight, and believe.” _

_ Love, Alec.  _

》》★《《

Magnus wasn’t surprised that Alec still thought about their kiss. Hell, Magnus thought about it too. He knew that he and Alexander were more than just friends, but it was complicated. Every time he thought about how he felt towards Alexander, Isabelle’s words rang in his head. He’s just 16, it’s one hell of a commitment, dating a soldier. Was he really ready for that? Going through high school, pining over someone out there while everyone else just went through the motions and had these big high school experiences? He had pondered the thought again and again but he never came to a conclusion. 

On one hand, he was pining after Alexander anyways, on the other, what happened if something happened to Alexander out there? How would that feel? Was it really such a good idea to get so tied up emotionally? Magnus threw the letter down on his bed and took his face in his hands, willing the tears not to come. He was however unsuccessful, and was soon sitting on his bed, sobbing. That’s when his bedroom door opened and Isabelle stepped in.

“Magnus, your dad let me in and- Magnus?” She asked, running up to her friend. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to feel this way but I can’t help it.” He told her in panic, tears streaming down his face. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Slow down and explain it to me, you’re not making any sense.” She said, trying to hush him. 

After a minute more of crying he finally found his voice. 

“It’s Alexander, I have feelings for him, even though you warned me. And I don’t want you to hate me, please, you’re my best friend and I couldn’t take it if you started hating me, but I really tried to be his friend but I just can’t.” He sobbed. 

Isabelle stroked his back comfortingly. “Hey, it’s okay. Magnus, I don’t hate you.” She said, causing him to look up at her with glassy eyes. 

“You don’t? But you said-”

“What I  _ said _ was that I didn’t want you to hurt him. But Magnus, if you really feel this way, you have to tell him. If you think you can devote yourself to him, go for it.” She interrupted him with an encouraging smile. 

“But I’m only 16…” He said and rested his chin on his knees. 

“So? If you know it in your heart that you can do this, your age doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong though, to love a travelling soldier can be hard, Magnus. I saw it in my mother’s eyes the whole time I was growing up.” Isabelle told him on a more serious note. 

Magnus nodded in understanding. He knew it would be hard, but Alexander’s view on life had shown him that sometimes you needed to take a risk, because life was short. He decided to write Alexander that very night.


	9. Secret's Out

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I hate that you have to see whatever bad things reside over there. _

_ I can’t imagine what you must be going through and what you must be feeling. _

_ All I can do is send you words of encouragement. _

_ I do need to confess something to you, however.  _

_ I have feelings for you, strong feelings. _

_ After talking to Isabelle about them, she encouraged me to tell you the truth. _

_ I can’t stop thinking about that kiss of ours either, it keeps replaying in my mind. _

_ So, I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be more. _

_ And I am ready to devote myself to you and only you, if that’s something you want as well.  _

_ I know this confession came out of the blue, so don’t feel like you have to decide right away. _

_ On another note, how are things over there?  _

_ I want you to tell me something that’s good over there, even though it might be hard.  _

_ You mentioned a squad mate, he seems nice.  _

_ I just thought that maybe it would be a good thing to try and think of something that’s positive. _

_ Feel free to tell me if that’s a bad idea, or a horrible idea, even.  _

_ Just know that I miss you, Alexander.  _

_ “Be strong, because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever.” _

_ Love, Magnus _

》》★《《

Alec was crying. They were tears of happiness though, but that didn’t make Jace any less alarmed. 

“Hey, you okay buddy?” He asked with worry in his eyes. 

“Yeah, no I’m fine.” Alec said, wiping away his tears. 

“I don’t think so.” Jace said and before Alec could react, he had snatched the letter from his hands. 

“Hey!” Alec protested, but it was too late. 

Jace read the letter, his eyes widened the further he got. Alec looked down, waiting for the reaction. 

“I knew you were lying!” Jace burst out. 

Alec looked up at him, expecting to see disgust, or even fury. What he did not expect was Jace grinning at him. 

“What?” He asked dumbfounded.

“I knew you were lying, ‘just friends’ my ass.” Jace said and gave the letter back. “That was one hell of a confession, you’re a lucky man.” 

Alec stared at him in disbelief. “Thanks…?” He said a little unsurely, earning himself a clap on the back from his squad mate. 

“No problem. Why do you look so surprised anyway?” Jace questioned, looking at Alec with a quirked eyebrow. 

“No, nothing. It’s nothing. So, nervous about tomorrow?” Alec asked, waving him off. 

Jace seemed to accept the change in topic, starting to share his feeling about their upcoming mission. Alec tried to listen, but his thoughts seemed to go back to Magnus, and the letter he had just received.


	10. Amen

_ Dear Magnus _

_ Your last letter was surprising, but in the best way. _

_ I have really strong feelings about you too. _

_ And of course I don’t have to think about it, I want you.  _

_ But I want to make sure that you really have thought this through. _

_ I want to give you an easy out, in case you have changed your mind, because devotion like that is a big step, and I just want to make sure that you’re ready for it.  _

_ I completely understand if you’re not.  _

_ I liked your idea about the positive things.  _

_ Besides the obvious positivity of your letters, I think I can find a few things that aren’t all that bad over here.  _

_ We had some Vietnamese food yesterday, it was really good.  _

_ Another thing that went well was a mission me and Jace went on. _

_ It turned out to be really successful, I’m sorry I can’t tell you about it though. _

_ Which I guess brings me to next point.  _

_ You were wondering about him, my squad mate.  _

_ His name is Jonathan Christopher Herondale, but we all call him Jace, or duckling, which is fun because he’s scared of ducks and hates it when we call him that.  _

_ He’s from Texas too, and he reads a lot.  _

_ I guess there’s not much else to say, but you’re right. _

_ He is nice, once you get past the layers of arrogance.  _

_ But I want to know more about you, seeing as we didn’t cover much on our first date.  _

_ I know that you live with your father, that you’re 16, and that you work at the diner, but that’s about it. _

_ What is your favourite colour? What’s your middle name?  _

_ Let’s start simple.  _

_ “Breathing dreams like air.” _

_ Love, Alec. _

》》★《《

Magnus read the letter to Isabelle out loud, as she was so curious to know what Alexander would respond to his confession. She was not disappointed, and neither was Magnus. He felt giddy, like a 12 year old girl, when he read the letter. 

“I knew it! He loooooves you!” Isabelle teased him. 

“He does not!” Magnus shot back, but without any heat. 

“Oh, I know my brother. I will bet you 10 dollars that he will have said it within the next 3 letters!” She exclaimed, holding her hand out for Magnus to shake. He did.

“You’re on! No way is he saying that within 3 letters…” Magnus said.

“You know that is like 4-5 months worth of correspondence, right?” She said with a wink and Magnus cursed under his breath since he hadn’t thought about that fact. 

The letters were getting longer, and who knows how they would turn out now that their feelings were out in the open. He felt the giddiness again and wanted to write Alexander back immediately, but Isabelle dragged him out of his room. They had somewhere to be. 

》》★《《

The weekly Friday night football game was about to start, and Isabelle and Magnus had met up with their friends, Ragnor and Catarina. The autumn cold was biting, so they had brought blankets that they draped over themselves, but it wasn’t enough to stop shivering. Magnus thought about the poor football players in their uniforms. He’d never worn one, but it couldn’t be the warmest of uniforms. He understood why they didn’t play at winter. 

The cold got even worse as they stood up, letting the blankets fall as they sang the national anthem. He was glad that they could sit down again as they prayed. As always in this small, religious town, the principal led the prayer as the crowd bowed their heads and held hands. Magnus had never been that religious, but this was one of those times where he didn’t mind the praying, especially since they went out to the fighting troops. When the prayer was over the principle cleared his throat and spoke into the microphone. 

“And, as always before the game. Let's bow our heads yet again and pray silently for our brave, local soldiers that have fallen in Vietnam this week.” The principal said and took out a list from his breast pocket. “Simon Lewis, Eric Hillchurch, Kirk Duplesse, and Matt Charlton. You fought bravely, and we thank you for your service to our country. Amen.” 

“Amen.” The crowd echoed. 

Then the football game began.


	11. War

_ Dear Alexander _

_ You needn’t worry about my devotion. _

_ I know what I’m getting myself into, and you’re worth it.  _

_ You’re worth it all, Alexander Lightwood.  _

_ I think about you every day, especially on Fridays.  _

_ They still do that this year, read the names off a list before every football game.  _

_ And every time I hold my breath until the list is finished, scared that I will hear your name.  _

_ But every time I can let my breath out again, and I know you’re okay.  _

_ Please, continue to be okay.  _

_ I’m glad that your secret mission went okay. _

_ And I’m glad you enjoyed the food over there. _

_ Asian food can be really tasty.  _

_ You said you wanted to get to know me, so we’ll start there.  _

_ I know you know I am from Asian descent, but more specifically, I’m Indonesian.  _

_ Which means that I can cook you Indonesian food sometime, I think you’d like it.  _

_ Other than that, my favourite colour is green, but I’m considering changing it to hazel.  _

_ And I don’t have a middle name.  _

_ I’m just plain old Magnus Bane, believe it or not.  _

_ So, what about you? I want to get to know you as well, I know I could ask Isabelle, but I’d rather hear it from you.  _

_ To continue our tradition; “If you only knew how much those little moments with you mattered to me.” _

_ Love, Magnus _

》》★《《

“WATCH OUT!” 

“GET DOWN, GET DOWN!”

_ BOOM! _

“WATCH THE BIRDS!”

_ “Stand by for dustoff.” _

》》★《《

Alec woke up to a bright light. He blinked a couple of times, the rest of the room slowly coming into place. 

“Good morning princess.” He heard Jace’s voice say. 

“What the hell…” He muttered to himself.

He felt sore. He sat up and groaned. He had a bandage on his arm and around his head. He quickly reached down to his chest and touched the ring he still wore around his neck. Everything else seemed alright when he felt the warmed up silver against his fingers.

“What happened?” He asked the grinning blonde on the bed beside him. 

“We got bombed, but we got out with minor injuries. You and I did anyways.” Jace told him, his smile faltering a bit. 

“And the others?” Alec asked, dreading the answer. 

“Sebastian didn’t make it.” Jace said in a low voice. “He was a pain in my ass, but he didn’t deserve to go like that…” 

“No one ever does…” Alec said. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that that could easily have been him, and he felt guilty for feeling thankful that it wasn’t.


	12. Light and Dark

_ Dear Magnus _

_ I’m sorry that I haven’t written in a while.  _

_ Things are getting crazy over here.  _

_ I need to tell you something.  _

_ Our squad went on a mission that went haywire. _

_ We lost a squad mate.  _

_ His name was Sebastian. _

_ The rest of us got out okay. _

_ Jace got a concussion and I got one too, and a nice long gash along my arm. _

_ Nothing too serious, so don’t worry.  _

_ But it will leave a scar, my first battle scar I suppose.  _

_ It reminded me of my own mortality.  _

_ I know I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. _

_ But for the first time, I’m really scared Magnus.  _

_ I try to go to my happy place, but it’s hard to block out what is happening all around me. _

_ We’re moving in closer on more and more dangerous footing. _

_ It’s getting harder to find the positive things around me.  _

_ All that gets me through it right now is thinking of you.  _

_ Please forgive me for my lack of happy news.  _

_ To give you something positive, here is a list of facts about me.  _

_ \- My favourite colour is blue _

_ \- I prefer sunsets over sunrises _

_ \- My middle name is Gideon (don’t mock) _

_ \- The reason I love sayings and quotes so much is because they are the only things that can really capture how I feel _

_ On that note; _

_ “Gotta have opposites dark and light, light and dark in the painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. I’m waiting on good times now.” _

_ Love, your Alexander. _

》》★《《

Once again, Magnus cried. He cried for Alexander, and he cried for himself. It had been months since he’d heard from him, and winter was almost over. But he wanted to remain strong, not only for himself, but for Isabelle as well. He guessed she had gotten a similar letter. He allowed himself to sob uncontrollably for 10 more minutes, then he wiped away his tears and forced a smile, hoping it would spread to the rest of him. 

At least Alexander was okay, he thought to himself. It was a gash and a concussion, nothing serious. But the next time it could be… He quickly swatted that thought away. Positive thinking, positive thinking… He took a deep breath, two, three. He had gathered himself. He put the letter on the pile in his drawer, the drawer reserved for his letters only. 

He decided to take his own advice and focused instead on the positive things Alexander had written. How he preferred sunsets, and how he had written ‘your Alexander’ instead of just ‘Alec.’ It warmed his heart. He made his way all the way to school with those thoughts in his head and day dreamed about how he’d take Alexander on a picnic to watch the sunset as soon as he was home again. 

When he got to school his friends were nowhere to be seen. He just shrugged it off and went towards his locker. Then, the bell rang and the hallways emptied. He must have been later than he’d thought. He quickly threw his bag into his locker and took out his textbook. When he slammed the locker shut he was met with a face full of Jonathan Morgenstern. 

“Bane, what an unpleasant surprise!” He said in mock surprise. 

“Couldn’t have been such a surprise to find me at my own locker.” Magnus shot back and tried to move past him, but Jonathan held out his arm and blocked him. 

“Funny. You know, I heard something else that was pretty funny yesterday.” The bully continued. “That you’re dating one of our soldiers. But I couldn’t believe that, none of  _ our _ soldiers could really be dating  _ you _ , now could they?” He asked, stepping closer to Magnus. 

“What’s it to you?” Magnus asked, rage in his voice. 

“So it’s true then.” One of Jonathan’s little minions said. 

“It sure seems like it.” Jonathan said. He grabbed ahold of Magnus’ collar. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think we should teach Bane here a lesson about tainting our fine bred American soldiers with his enemy bullshit.” 

The minions nodded in agreement. 

“Enemy bullshit? I’m Indonesian!” Magnus burst out in disbelief. “Are you really that stupid?” 

Jonathan’s fist connected with Magnus’ eye in a hard punch. Before the bully could start pummeling him, however, a voice made him stop mid motion.

“Hey! Get off him, you neanderthal!” Jem Carstairs’ voice echoed through the hallway. 

He was the only other Asian kid at Blue Ridge High, and a senior. Magnus had met him once or twice seeing as he was on the football team with Catarina’s older brother, but they had never talked before.

Magnus took the opportunity to punch Jonathan square in the jaw, and after that, it all turned black. 

》》★《《

Magnus was sitting outside the principal’s office with an ice pack to his eye, Isabelle beside him.

“Remind me never to get on your bad side.” She said with an impressed look. 

“I don’t even remember what happened…” Magnus admitted. 

All he remembered was pain, and then he was standing over Jonathan’s body, fist raised, as a teacher was pulling him off of the other boy. 

“But I do, and that was some right hook!” Isabelle exclaimed happily. “Hopefully, now he’s learned not to mess with you again.” 

“I just hope I don’t get suspended…” Magnus said, hissing in pain as he removed the ice pack.


	13. Then Tell Him

_ Dear Alexander _

_ Don’t be afraid to dump things on me.  _

_ It’s healthy to vent whatever is happening over there, and I am more than happy to listen.  _

_ I’m really sorry about Sebastian, and about your injury.  _

_ Just know that I’m thinking of you, and praying for you, every single day. _

_ I hope that you get home safely. _

_ I actually got an injury this week as well.  _

_ Jonathan gave me a black eye, but I can proudly say that I got him even worse.  _

_ It’s like a ‘you should see the other guy’ type of situation.  _

_ I didn’t get suspended however, which I am thankful for. _

_ Other than that school has been uneventful.  _

_ I got an A on my biology test, which pushed my average up quite a bit. _

_ Isabelle and I are doing the decorations for the spring formal that is in a couple of weeks. _

_ The theme this year is ‘a starry night’ which is totally cliché but I got downvoted so I’ll have to live with that.  _

_ Your list of facts was very much appreciated.  _

_ I’m definitely taking you out on a picnic date to watch the sunset over Blue Ridge when you get back. _

_ I think about that a lot, you know.  _

_ What it will be like when you get back.  _

_ I think about what we’re going to do, what I’m going to say, what you’ll say. _

_ I miss your voice, I miss you.  _

_ I miss you so much it hurts some days.  _

_ “I realized I was thinking of you, and I began to wonder how long you’d been on my mind. Then it occurred to me; Ever since I’ve met you, you never left.”  _

_ Love, your Magnus _

》》★《《

“Ready to get back out there, cowboy?” Jace asked Alec who nodded absentmindedly. “Oooh, another letter?”

“Yeah, a really nice one actually.” Alec said, his smile widening as he reread it. “He kicked the crap out of a bully.”

“Wow, a feisty one. Good for him.” Jace said with a smirk. 

“Jace.” Alec said. Jace looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. “I think I love him.”

Jace just smiled at his friend. “Then tell him.” 

Alec nodded to himself. “Yeah, I think I will.”


	14. He Said It

_Dear Magnus_

_Thank you for listening._

_It means a lot._

_I am so proud of you not only for standing up to that bully, but because of your A as well._

_You really are keeping your promise about your school work and it makes me really happy._

_Are you still working at the diner?_

_And did you have fun at the formal?_

_I know it must be over by now._

_That date sounds amazing._

_I’ve watched a lot of sunsets over Blue Ridge, but watching one with you seems like a dream come true._

_Plus, I’d get to look into your beautiful eyes as the last gleam of light hit them._

_You really have beautiful eyes, you know._

_We are getting relocated in a few days, but no one knows where yet, or if it will be more or less dangerous than where we are right now._

_Hopefully the latter._

_All I can think of is you._

_Coming home to you, hearing your voice again, holding you in my arms._

_What I’m trying to say is, that life is short._

_It might be too soon, but if I don’t say it now, when will I?_

_Magnus, I love you._

_“If you want to become fearless - choose love.”_

_Your Alexander_

》》★《《

Magnus walked up to Isabelle’s locker and shoved a 10 dollar bill in her hands. 

“Magnus, what… OH MY GOD HE SAID IT!” Isabelle screamed in joy as she realized what was happening. 

“Yes yes, you were right, now can we get to my problem?!” Magnus asked her in panic and she immediately stopped jumping in place. 

“Oh no, what problem?” She asked warily. 

“Do I love him back? How do I know? I don’t want to write it back just because, I need to be sure that’s how I feel.” Magnus explained to her in panic. 

“Oh, okay. We’ll figure it out! Don’t worry.” She said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Thank you.”


	15. As Time Flew By

It had been 2 months since he’d sent the letter, but he still hadn’t gotten one back. Magnus started to worry that his confession had somehow hurt Alexander. He was also extremely worried that something had happened to him. Football season was up and running again, and every Friday he sat in the bleachers, listening to their principal saying name after name of fallen Vietnam soldiers. Thankfully, Alexander’s name had yet to been called, so Magnus tried to hang onto the little hope he had left. 

It was now Friday, and he was sitting on the bleachers yet again, waiting for the dreadful reading of the list. He held his breath. He could feel Jem’s hand snaking into his in support.

“Let's bow our heads yet again and pray silently for our brave, local soldiers that have fallen in Vietnam this week.” The principal spoke. “Alaric Graymark and Raphael Santiago. You fought bravely, and we thank you for your service to our country. Amen.”

He let out his breath, thanking God once again that Alexander was safe. 

》》★《《

It had been 6 months since his last letter from Alexander. Magnus was starting to lose hope. He did know that neither Isabelle or anyone in her family had heard word from him either. He did know that he wasn’t dead though, because the Lightwoods had yet received that dreadful knock at the door, the one every family member of a soldier feared. He knew that Alexander must have had a good reason as to why he hadn’t written anyone, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. He missed him so much, and he started to doubt himself. Could he really do this? Was it worth the heartache? Not knowing if he was okay, what he was doing, it was torture. He just hoped that God wasn’t cruel enough to take Alexander from him right after he’d given his heart away. 

Magnus spent the beginning of summer working double shifts at the diner, spending what little time he had with his friends. They went swimming at the lake, they went camping in the woods, or they watched movies in Jem’s basement. Magnus tried to busy himself, but as soon as he had a moment to himself, his brain flooded with thoughts of his soldier. Like now, he was sitting with Jem at the café in town, him going on and on about something that Magnus should probably pay attention to, but his thoughts took him away.

“Hey, Mags, are you okay?” Jem asked, waving a hand in front of his face. 

“What?” Magnus asked absentmindedly. 

“You spaced out. What’s on your mind?” Jem asked him with a small smile. 

“I’m sorry. I was thinking about Alexander.” Magnus admitted and started to fiddle with his coffee cup.

“Still no word, huh?” 

  
“No.” 

Jem seemed to think for a bit, then he spoke. 

“Do you remember Will? Herondale?” He asked Magnus. 

“Yeah… Shit, that’s where I thought I’d heard it before!” Magnus exclaimed, leaving Jem with a look of confusion. “Sorry, Alexander’s squad mate is named Herondale, and I always thought it sounded so familiar. But yeah I remember Will, why?”

“Do you remember when they called his name at the football game last year?” Jem then asked, looking down at his own coffee.

“Yeah… A lot of people took that hard, I remember.” Magnus answered, still not fully understanding where the conversation was headed. 

“A lot of people, including me. He was my boyfriend.” Jem confessed, and Magnus stared at him in surprise.

“What? I never knew, I’m so sorry…” He said after he’d gathered himself. 

“It’s okay, it’s been over a year. It still hurts though. My point is, I’m telling you because I get it. The waiting, the not knowing, it drives you crazy.” The older boy told him.

Magnus could only nod in agreement. “So how did you deal?” 

“I didn’t. I locked myself in my room for days on end. I shut my friends out. I barely graduated this year because I let my grades slip. I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing great, considering. But I also want you to know that it’s okay  _ not _ to be okay, if you know what I mean.” Jem told him sincerely. 

Magnus couldn’t help but consider his words. Jem had really been there for Magnus this year, and now after that confession, he realized that they had a lot more in common than he’d originally thought. And his words made sense. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He  _ wasn’t _ okay, but it was  _ okay _ not to be. 

》》★《《

He didn’t know when it happened, if it was the late night talks about Will and Alexander, or the time spent at the coffee shop, but somewhere along the road, Magnus had fallen for Jem. He didn’t know if it was love, but it was something. It had been 9 months since he’d last heard a word from Alexander. He had given up hope. He had felt like a complete asshole when he realized what his feelings were, and he had gone to Isabelle. Only when she, Alexander’s sister, had told him that what he was feeling for Jem was okay, had he finally admitted it to himself, and then to Jem. He had walked right up to the hardware store where he worked, professed his feelings for him, and they had kissed right in aisle 3. His second kiss in his life. 

Although, he could never completely forget about Alexander. Jem had told him that it was okay, because he would never forget about Will either. They would never be each others first choice, but that was okay. The only difference in their situations though, was that Will was dead, but Alexander was very much alive.


	16. Three Little Letters

Alec didn’t get any more letters before he was shipped off to some secretive long term mission together with Jace. It wasn’t until 9 months later that he finally got back to base camp, and when he got there he had 3 letters from Magnus waiting for him. He took them and sat down on his bunk. He quickly read the envelope of the first one, the one that been sent first of the 3. He saw on the timestamp that he had missed it by just a week and he cursed under his breath. He ripped it open and started reading.

》》★《《

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I do still work at the diner.  _

_ There are a lot of tables I have to bust before I have enough for college. _

_ But don’t worry, I’m taking school very seriously.  _

_ And I did have a blast at the formal.  _

_ I danced all night and no one spiked the punch, so all in all it was pretty great.  _

_ I went with Isabelle and our new friend Jem. _

_ Maybe you remember him? _

_ He was a junior when you were a senior. _

_ Your compliments about my eyes flatter me, but they have got nothing on your hazels.  _

_ I think they’re the most beautiful pair of eyes I’ve seen in my life.  _

_ But what I like most about you is your smile. _

_ You can light up the whole world just with that smile…  _

_ Now to the confession part. _

_ I wasn’t sure how to respond to your revelation. _

_ Luckily, Isabelle helped me figure it out. _

_ We spent a whole night with cosmo magazine and romantic movies, and at the end of it I was a hundred percent sure.  _

_ I love you too, Alexander.  _

_ And it’s scary, because I have never loved anyone before.  _

_ Not like this.  _

_ So you better not break my heart, because it is now in your hands. _

_ “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” _

_ Love, Magnus _

》》★《《

The letter left Alec hopeful. He smiled to himself at Magnus’ beautiful words. He made a silent promise to himself not to break Magnus’ heart. He took the second letter, and it was timestamped about 4 months after the first one. 

》》★《《

_ Dear Alexander _

_ I hope that you are safe.  _

_ Your radio silence is scaring me. _

_ I know that you probably have good reason not to write me or your family, but I can’t help but to worry.  _

_ Friday have become my least favourite day of the week, because I get a mini heart attack every time they are about to read those damn lists.  _

_ So far, your name hasn’t been read, and that is the only reason I still hold out hope.  _

_ Please, if you have the time, write something.  _

_ It doesn’t have to be long, just so that I know you’re alright.  _

_ I hope to hear from you soon. _

_ I love you.  _

_ “A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.” _

_ Love, Magnus _

》》★《《

Alec felt guilty as he read the second letter. He wished for nothing more than to turn back time so that he could have maybe written something to Magnus before he was recruited for that mission. So that he could reassure the man that he loved that he was still out there, waiting for him. He started to dig around for pen and paper so that he could write Magnus back immediately, to apologize for his absence and explain what had happened. Then he remembered that there was a third letter. Better to read it before in case he missed something important that needed correspondence. He looked at the timestamp and saw that it had arrived just days before himself. He ripped the envelope open and read the letter.

》》★《《

_ Dear Alexander… _

_ It has been more than nine months since I’ve heard from you.  _

_ I tried so hard to hold out, I really did.  _

_ But I have no idea when or if I will ever hear from you again.  _

_ I have struggled without your words, and I have spent sleepless nights imagining the worst scenarios in my head.  _

_ I want you to know that I didn’t mean for this to happen.  _

_ He was a good friend to me at first, but somewhere along the road I fell for him.  _

_ I fell for Jem.  _

_ I’m sorry that you had to find out this way, but I don’t think any way would be better than the other to find out something like this.  _

_ Just know that your letters meant everything in the world to me, and I meant everything I wrote to you at the time that I wrote them. _

_ I would never lie to you, not now, not ever.  _

_ I do love you, Alexander.  _

_ But I doubt my love is enough.  _

_ I hope that wherever you are, you are safe.  _

_ We will forever have the water tower.  _

_ With all my love and care, Magnus _

》》★《《

Alec stared at the letter. He felt numb, like nothing in this world could ever make him feel again. It didn’t last however, as three little words broke the dam of emotions inside of him. 

“Are you okay?” 

Alec started to sob uncontrollably and Jace was there in seconds to catch him as he fell to the floor. 

“Whoah! Alec, what’s wrong? What happened?” The blonde soldier asked in panic. 

Alec didn’t answer, he just sobbed and sobbed, drenching Jace’s shirt in his tears as the soldier held him and stroked him comfortingly on the back. They sat like that, on the floor, for over an hour before Alec was calm enough to speak. 

“I got a Dear John letter.” He told Jace through sniffles. 

“Shit…” Jace breathed out. He knew what that meant. 

“And the other guy is my old team mate.” Alec continued. 

Jace just gripped him tighter, he didn’t know what else to do. That has got to hurt like a son of a bitch. 

“Jace, please make it stop, it hurts.” Alec cried.

Jace wanted to make it stop, but he didn’t know how. This wasn’t an injury that could be fixed with bandages or medicine. Heartbreak was a lot trickier than that. He gripped Alec’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes. 

“It’s going to be okay, Alec. I know it hurts, but I don’t know how to fix it, but I promise that eventually, you’re going to be okay.” He said with more sincerity than he had ever had in his voice. 

Alec looked at his squad mate with tears in his eyes. He wanted to believe him, but right now he didn’t. He didn’t know why he did what he did, but he closed the small space between them and pressed his lips to Jace’s. His second kiss ever. Jace pulled back immediately. 

“Alec…” He said, not opening his eyes. 

“Please, Jace. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It just hurts so bad, I need it to stop hurting. Just for one night. Please.” He pleaded in a quiet whisper. 

Jace took a deep breath. “Alright. Just for tonight.”

And with that, he pulled Alec up from the floor and onto the nearest bed, and they kissed again.


	17. May I?

It was the first football game of the season. In just a few more months, Magnus would graduate and hopefully leave this town behind him. Wherever he went, it reminded him of Alexander. The diner where they’d exchanged their first words, the water tower that was visible from wherever you were in that goddamned town, where they’d shared their first kiss. He couldn’t even stand being in his room anymore, memories of the letters and the sleepless nights haunting him. He spent most of the nights at Jem’s place to avoid just that. Now he was sitting with his boyfriend up on the bleachers, looking around at the people who prayed for the safe return of their soldiers. He had stopped praying a while back, not seeing the same point to it as he once had. But when the time came to read the names of those fallen soldiers, he held his breath once again. 

“Let us now bow our heads and pray silently for our brave, local soldiers that this week have fallen in Vietnam.” The principal said as usual. “Andrew Underhill, Lorenzo Rey, Alexander Lightwood, and John Monteverde. You fought bravely, and we thank you for your service to our country. Amen.” 

Magnus had to do a double take. Had he really heard that right? It wasn’t until he felt how tense Jem had gotten beside him that it dawned on him that he had in fact, heard it right. 

》》★《《

Magnus didn’t go to school for 2 weeks. Hell, he didn’t even leave his room for 2 weeks. His friends were worried, and so was Jem. But he understood. He had gone through the same thing 2 years prior. His father did his best to console him, but Magnus refused to see anyone. Anyone but Isabelle, that was. They didn’t say much to each other, they mostly just sat in silence, offering what little comfort they could to each other. So, when the doorbell rang and his father said he had a visitor, he expected Isabelle to walk into his room. But it wasn’t.

“Magnus?” A stranger’s voice asked. 

Magnus looked up, and before him stood a blonde man in an army uniform. He stood with a straight back and a wide stance, his hands behind him. 

“Who are you?” Magnus asked suspiciously. 

“Jace Herondale.” The man answered and it clicked. 

“You were his squad mate…” Magnus stated. 

“That I was. I came by to give you something.” Jace said and revealed his hands, one of which was full of folded papers. Letters. 

“Are those…?” Magnus asked, unable to finish his sentence. 

“Your letters? Yes. I was just by the Lightwoods to drop off the ID tags and his sister’s ring that we found and some of his other personal belongings, but I thought these might be best to give to you.” Jace said.

“Th-thank you.” Magnus managed to croak out. He wanted to cry again, but he was not going to do that in front of this stranger. 

“No worries. They’re all there. Even you Dear John letter.” Jace said with a hint of acid in his tone. 

“Dear John letter?” Magnus asked in confusion. 

“Military breakup letters.” Jace simply said.

“Oh.” 

“Yeah…” Jace said and turned around to leave.

“Wait, Jace.” Magnus called out, making the soldier stop. “How did he take it?” 

Jace scoffed. “How do you think? You broke his heart and I had to pick up the pieces. But don’t worry, I took care of him. All night long.” He said and then left the room.

Magnus flinched, but he probably deserved that. Besides, he had given himself to Jem, so he was the last person to judge Alexander for needing comfort.

》》★《《

Magnus was sitting by his vanity in his room. The last couple of months had been hell, and he certainly had the dark circles under his eyes to prove it. Between hearing Alexander’s name be called among the fallen soldiers and breaking up with Jem and getting his grades back up last minute and busting his ass at the diner to earn the last bit for his tuition, dark circles were not that surprising. He put on another layer of concealer and then he fixed his hair. Tonight he had promised himself to at least try to have fun, if not for his own sake then for Isabelle’s. Her last few months had been hell as well. 

But tonight was the senior prom. A night that was supposed to bring joy and remind you that you made it through four years of high school. This was the end, and that thought actually made Magnus smile slightly to himself. He looked in the mirror one last time, smoothing out an invisible crease in his burgundy tux, and deemed himself good enough for a night of partying. He stepped out of his room and went down the stairs. There waited Isabelle, Ragnor, and Catarina. The women in beautiful ball gowns and Ragnor in a black tux. He greeted them with a plastered on smile and posed for the mandatory prom photo in front of the fireplace before they made their way out to Ragnor’s car. 

When they stepped out in front of the school Isabelle hooked her arm in his and practically skipped up the steps. 

“You seem awfully chipper tonight.” Magnus remarked with a smirk. 

“Well of course I am! It’s our senior prom, high school is over, and soon I’ll be at Vanderbilt and you’ll be at Brown, living the life!” She answered him cheerily. 

He could do nothing else but laugh at her antics. When they entered the gymnasium it was flooded with dark blue and silver balloons, the school colours. The place was already packed with people dancing and laughing and drinking punch. 

“I heard that they spiked the punch this year, want to give it a go?” Isabelle whispered into his ear. 

“Yeah, why the hell not?” Magnus answered and they made their way over to the large bowl. 

Isabelle subtly took out a flask and poured it in the punch bowl. 

“Isabelle!” Magnus hissed at her in surprise. “You said it was already spiked!”

“Well, now it is.” She said and actually winked at him. 

Magnus just snickered and poured them a cup each. He offered one to Isabelle. They stood there, drinking for a while before they decided to go get a photo taken. After that they danced and danced, like all the other parties they had gone to during their high school years. It wasn’t until several hours later, when a slow song came on that Magnus couldn’t stop his brain from thinking about Alexander again. Isabelle seemed to notice this and put a hand on his arm. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, eyebrows knit in worry. 

He didn’t want to ruin her night, so he just shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing’s wrong. May I ask you for this dance?” He asked instead, reaching out his hand to her in an overdramatic gesture. 

“Actually, I think there might be someone else in here who wants to dance with you more than me.” Isabelle said with a knowing smirk. 

Magnus looked at her in confusion. As she pointed to something behind him, he spun around, and his heart stopped. 

“May I have this dance?” A familiar voice asked him. 

Magnus looked at Alexander in shock. He was standing in the middle of the dancefloor, wearing his uniform, a scar in his eyebrow that wasn’t there before, and he was looking right at him with his wide, beautiful, could-light-up-the-whole-world signature smile. Magnus’ face was white as though he had seen a ghost, because in a way, he had. He couldn’t speak. He could only act. He threw himself in the soldier’s arms and crashed their lips together. He held onto Alexander, his Alexander, as if though he could disappear at any moment. He held on for dear life as they kissed, Alec’s arms wrapping around him tightly. As they parted to breathe, Magnus was panting at the soldier’s face, his tears smearing both of their cheeks, foreheads resting against each other. 

“I don’t understand… How…?” Magnus asked eventually. 

Alec smiled at him and simply answered. 

“Distance means nothing when someone means everything.”


	18. The World's Shortest Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really planning on writing an epilogue, but then it was pointed out to me how annoying it was not to know how Alec got to where he was in the last chapter, so I threw my general idea together into text and here is the result! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this story! I had a lot of fun writing it!

They had made a mistake. Alec had never died. He and Jace had been in battle, and Alec had saved Jace’s life. But as he did so, he had lost his ID tags somewhere along the way, and then he and Jace had gotten separated. Jace thought he had seen Alec go down, but Alec had simply thrown himself down into an empty foxhole and held out until the fire died down. When he had gotten back up, his squad had been gone and he had been alone, lost in enemy territory. After days of wandering, he had found a small town where and old woman had taken him in and treated his injuries. It had taken him months to get back to the states, but he had managed to do it. 

His family had been notified just days before the senior prom, but Alec had made them promise not to tell Magnus. He wanted to surprise him. Even though he had no idea how Magnus would react, he had wanted to take the last chance on them. And luckily it had worked out. 

They were now living in Providence, Rhode Island in an off campus apartment, Magnus going to school at Brown and Alec taking some time off. They were happy with their lives at the moment. They felt content, calm, safe. They knew that after going through all that they went through and still coming out on top, nothing in this world or another could ever break them apart. 

THE END


End file.
